Practice Makes Permanent
I have developed an insatiable desire for perfection. But not in the normal sense of the word. Because I am no perfectionist. Any woodworking project or photoshop job will show you that. I guess that would fall more in line with a lack of attention to detail. I will always try my best. But most skills I use daily do not come easy for me, and I don’t have the luxury of time to meticulous perfect each task. So, I have to settle for good. God is using this season of time-lack to teach me that it is not about the perfectly finished product – it is about the heart, effort, intention, and follow-through.
The desire for perfection is something different. Perfection has become a god. Not because I need everything to be perfect. But because I have spent much of my life with an umbrella belief that I am not good enough. Or the work that I do is not good enough. Much of that is the story I have told myself. Much of it is the story other’s have told me. I have bought the lie. And the lie is a killer (like the “white eye whale”, as my son says). I believe the noise that I am not good enough. That nothing will ever be good enough. SO rather than do everything to perfection, I have spent much time contemplating whether to do anything at all. Perfection became a god because it became my identity, rather than who the one true God tells me I am. I operate under the assumption that bad things happen to me daily because my faith isn’t good enough. I had a bad thought about someone, therefore I am overdrawn, my kids are sick, my marriage is stuck in the zero-gravity Apollo mission trainer. Hard to fathom how I can believe this after being a “Christian” for as long as I can remember. The noise of the world is powerful. Not because it has power, but because I gave it power. Still today, I fight the urge to believe that God loves me just the way I am. He has already died for my sins past, present and future. He loves me, and there is no foul thing I can do to (j)eff it up.
But Jesus says “love covers a MULTITUDE of sins”. So while I recognize daily how I’ve blown it as a dad and husband, I can wipe much of it away simply by loving them well.
Location: Lake Wenatchee State Park