“GOD HAS FORSAKEN ME”
That was a text I sent my wife a couple weeks ago while she was working an evening shift. I was home with the two kids, and let’s just say they hate sleep. It was a struggle bus that night to get them to sleep. I started out being patient and nurturing and ended the evening cussing under my breath and banging my head against the wall. It didn’t matter what I tried, they wouldn’t sleep and just wanted mom.
It’s in my weakest, most exhausted moments that I let out some funny colors. If I didn’t have grace or patience, I could understand why some kids get shaken. Now before you judge me, I guarantee that nearly every dad has, deep in their thoughts, had some ugly moments. Most of us don’t act on them, but I at least understand how, when lacking balance and faith, someone could make a poor decision. I never would. But I am less quick to judge those that have.
But hear this: give yourself grace. We aren’t designed to be the nurturing, breast-feeding, life giving person to an infant or toddler. They just want mommy. We are often times simply the provider and nothing else.
In those times of weakness, those aren’t our true colors that surface. Just some colors of sin and lack of patience. It’s just a season and it goes by quickly. But before you get down on yourself for having some quite terrible thoughts, remember we aren’t alone. Sometimes I just have to set the kids down and let them wale while I calm down before trying again.
Same goes for older kids. Be quick to love, slow to anger and yelling. We know it does no good, but if that is the tone we are setting, we probably should change something. Give yourself grace as you figure these seasons out!